Archive for April, 2006

The Sunday Review: Tony Hawk’s American Wasteland

Sunday 30 April (2006)

a lot of people confuse the skateboarder tony hawk with the comedian tony hawks

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What my music says about me

Sunday 30 April (2006)

I just did a game I saw on where you put all the music on your computer on shuffle, then ask yourself a question from a list and press skip – the song that comes up apparantly answers the question. Pretty stupid, yet it yielded some rather interesting and amusing results…

1. How can I make myself happy?
UFO – I’m A Loser
Hmmm. This says that I’m a loser, so I’ll never be happy? 😦

2. What should I do with my life?
Manic Street Preachers – The Girl Who Wanted To Be God
Well, this ‘God’ part is all well and good, but ‘the girl’?! My presidency will be complimented by a sex change, it seems.

3. How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?
The Outsiders – Time Won’t Let Me
Time won’t let me maximise my pleasure during sex? I’m not that quick 😦

5. What is happiness?
Gorillaz – White Light
White light to me represents one of two things: a good trip, or death. Hmmm.

6. How will I be remembered?
Terrorvision – Discotheque Wreck
Some of my friends would probably agree with this one, but surely I’ve grown up a bit, haven’t I? I don’t want to end up like Ozzy 😦

Give it a go yourself if you want – the full list can be found here. I hope you have better answers than me…


Tuesday 25 April (2006)

For God's sake.

Do printers come with firmware that exists to make your life a misery? Like when you have, say, half an hour to print out your assignment, have a shower, hand it in and then get some food before going to the cinema – in this case, you need the printer to be on your team. "Come on, Epson fuckface," you cheerily say. "It's your time to shine."

This is when the piece of shit decides that black ink is no longer to be distributed. Oh, it'll go through the motions, leaving you confident of success as you go to get a drink hearing the familiar scheeeeez-scheeeeez in the background as it cranks out the paper, but when you come back to attach the sheets to your assignment form, they're blank. Ho ho.

Of course, getting the computer to clean the nozzles (twice) will get things going along soon enough. The problem with this is that, well, it uses up ink. So you're basically pissing your precious poisonous black liquid up the wall, along with your money, which is really annoying when cartridges cost so much. Which is why I bought a third party cartridge. And I want to stress, there's nothing wrong with it – it's the printer. As soon as I installed it a little window popped up gleefully informing me that this detected unofficial cartridge might cause my printer to 'malfunction' and sure enough, it did. It annoys me because the cartridge works fine after performing this mandatory, ink-wasting nozzle cleaning, and there's no reason for it.

Unless, as I suspect, printers come equipped with firmware that cause you hell when you use a cartridge made by another company. Bring me a laser printer! Bring me toner! Ink, die in hell – and you too, Epson.

The Sunday Review: Silent Hill

Sunday 23 April (2006)

silent hill will scare the hell out of you

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Why is being healthy expensive?

Saturday 22 April (2006)

Yeah, so I used to be this kind of fat guy who watched a lot of DVD's and ate a lot of pizza, and kind of went to Burger King and KFC quite a bit and things, but now I do things like playing badminton and going swimming and eating salad sandwiches on granary bread and buying semi-skimmed milk instead of full fat, and it's all great and stuff.

It seems to have improved my karma a bit too – firstly, Securicor paid me literally £600 too much for the Gold Cup work I did for them, then I found out I had won a £600 bonus from my old job at the MOD because I was so damn good at it. And this is all very helpful, because for some reason I've spent £90 in two days and I haven't really bought anything or left the flat much. I don't get it.

Google: how? Explain please

Thursday 13 April (2006)

So I'm back in Cheltenham for the night (The Mighty Boosh Live was genius, by the way – catch it while you can) and suffering from insomnia so I decided to check what kind of search engine terms have been bringing people to my crappy site. Here are some from the past week:

The Mighty Boosh Reviews
mighty boosh watch online
mighty boosh improvised
julian barratt
mighty boosh episode
howard t.j moon
little miss sunshine
the mighty boosh show reviews
mighty boosh review

So, what the hell? I thought "hmmm, I can't imagine my site being anywhere near the top of Google's ranking for any of those queries" and decided to test it out. I was on page two for the 'howard t.j moon' one and that was about it. I got to about page twenty of the 'little miss sunshine' results before I gave up. So my point is this: how have people found me with these results? Internet people, explain to me.

Unless there are people who go through hundreds of thousands of search results, I am baffled. In fact, either way, I'm baffled. Help me.


Thursday 6 April (2006)

Alright, that's it. Assignments are mostly done and it's Easter, so the hell with it all, I'm off. The site will be dormant until about the 20th, because I'm gallivanting all over the place:

7th AprilThe Mighty Boosh Live in Birmingham for Sally's 20th. Simon you better remember to meet us at the station!

8th – 12th April – Taunton with Sally to stay at her parents house. I will get drunk in The Bell as often as possible without looking like a reprobate in front of the in-laws. Hurrah!

13th April – Cheltenham again, for a night.

14th April – Preston! Free food and lodgings.

15th AprilJillys Rockworld, Manchester. We'll have to stay all night because JT has been thrown out of Wright-Robinson and there's nowhere to sleep.

16th – 19th April – Back to Preston for a night out on the 16th (oh God, I've only done a saturday bender after a Jillys all-nighter once before and it damn near killed me) then resting until the 18th, when it's rock night in Hush! Will, if you've changed things around in that damn place I'll kill you and demand free drinks. Tom, Donkey, Kal, D, everyone else – if you're in Preston, come out!

And if I have enough money to get home after this, I'll update again 😀

A definition of irony

Monday 3 April (2006)

Irony. The Oxford English Dictionary says:

A situation that appears opposite to what one expects.

I say:

A bunch of Mexicans at a bullfight experiencing the blind terror of being ruthlessly attacked for no good reason and without provocation.

The Sunday Review: Hostel

Sunday 2 April (2006)

 hostel - very gory, pretty disturbing

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