I've been after Salvia Divinorium for some time now, but I've never really gotten round to it. The main reason for my laziness is the fact that you need to smoke it on a bong, and whilst I lived at home there was no way I could get one without my parents jumping to that shocking conclusion: cannabis! I was put off it here at uni by the fact that the smoke detectors in my room would have made it a bit awkward, but then one day last week I thought fuckit and I ordered a bong online.
The good thing about Salvia is that it's legal in the UK, so I went down the road to my friendly local head-shop and bought a gram of 10x extract. The extract is a product that exists due to the legality of Salvia; if grass was legal you'd probably see Marijuana extracts and such which do the same as the Salvia ones: increase the potency of the leaf. As such, one gram of 10x extract equates to ten grams of pure leaf.
Then, things got interesting.
See, the Salvia was just sitting in my drawer, waiting for the bong to arrive. I had reason to believe that I wouldn't actually smoke it until I moved out of halls anyway, because of those prevailing smoke detectors. To alleviate this annoyance, I sunk to a low level and purchased a popper from the head shop. With this in hand, I headed to the pub to watch Preston North End. The fact that I was in the mood for getting wrecked, combined with the fact that Preston were beaten, resulted in about seven pints of Guinness. After the match me and Sally headed over to Park Campus (on the other side of Cheltenham) to meet some friends in the pub.
After running out of alcohol money, I was on the popper (they suit me best when combined with booze, for some reason.) Anyway, we all headed back to our halls of residence when one of my friends claimed to have some grass in his room, which he went to get. Out of curiosity, I asked him if he had a bong. "Sure," he said. Hmmmm.
So I asked people how they felt about trying something different. Two of them were up for it. So, there we were, bong on the windowsill, me with a pocket full of Salvia extract which I had got from my room, and lighting up.
I used a small amount because I knew how strong this stuff is. Wow! About thirty seconds after I inhaled, I was in the grip of Salvia Gravity. (This perculiar force seems to affect Salvia users, 'pushing' them in a random direction like a real force would.) I was pinned up against the wall by two lines of force, forming a V shape from just below my waist, with my shoulders at the top of each line of the V. Then I started laughing – and how I laughed. I laughed for about two minutes solid, whilst everyone else watched, bemused.
Then, it was someone elses go. I recovered and about five minutes later I set up the bong for him. Well, he had a great time too – falling to his knees in laughter, hallucinating his face off as he saw a rainbow with someone's head at the end of the arc. But we were making too much noise – and sure enough, the warden came running over from his room. The warden's a decent bloke, and he knew something was going on, but he just told us to be quiet and to go to bed. This we did, after first letting the second of the two volunteers have a blast. All was well, and bed it was.
So the next morning, I awaken in Sally's room to a loud knocking. It's the warden again. This time he tells me that security saw everything on the CCTV and then searched my room, removing the 'suspect item.' Shit. I proceeded to tell him that we hadn't actually done anything illegal, and he seemed very skeptical, before telling me I had a meeting with the head of student services tomorrow.
Tomorrow is today, and I've just got back. Four of us from the night had been brought in for a chat, but after I conclusively proved that we hadn't been smoking grass they made a vague argument about the amount of noise we had been making, and don't do it again!
Then, feeling like everything was going my way, I asked for my confiscated Salvia extract back. I probably shouldn't have. But I did. And they had no choice but to give it to me.
What have I learned from this? Salvia is incredibly powerful, and I look forward to using it regularly. I hope it doesn't go the way of mushrooms – they were legal here this time two years ago too. If any laws are proposed, I guess I'll just stockpile it. I've also learned that the University of Gloucestershire is quite similar to a police state – in a matter of hours after seeing my guilty face on CCTV, the security team not only found out who I was, but went to my room and searched it for contraband (luckily my bong arrived after they had searched it, so I hid it safely away.)
But please note – Salvia is not a party drug, I just know my doses. One of my friends already hallucinated on the small dose I gave him; any more and he'd have entered Salvia Space. Which isn't so much fun as it is spiritual, and I think I'm pretty much the only person who I know who uses drugs in a spiritual way. So if you think it sounds like fun, be careful – you might just blast yourself off the face of the planet.
Oh, and sorry Remi… I was kind of coming down when I forced that rant on you, and the Postman Pat thing.