Archbishop Temple School (bloody hell)

Tuesday 30 May (2006)

Okay, what the fuck? Someone has done a real number on my former high school over on Wikipedia. (Yes, prepare for another one of those 'he's been up all night and gone around the bend' posts.)

There are a number of things I want to rant about regarding this place. Okay, it was a good school when I was there – I had fun, I learned a lot, I didn't really do any work and I got 9 GCSEs (2A*s, 6As and a B, if you insist ;)). I made lots of friends there, several of whom I still know and go to the pub with, etc. etc. But, I was lucky. They claim to be "one of the top 10 non-sixth form schools in England" (presumably they're tenth, then) but when I was there, this was not the case. In fact when I was in year 8 they were on the regional news for being the most improved school in the country, which equates to: we used to be shit, but now we're not quite as shit. Anyway, these ratings don't really mean much to me – this fucking place was proclaiming itself to be the nations 'number one' college at the time when I was there, which I discovered was based on pass rates and was engineered by the fact that if you got anything less than a C at AS-Level, you were out on your arse. Preston College, totally underrated, gave me an A-Level in English in less than a quarter of the time Runshaw took to give me an A-Level in Physics, and I still got a higher grade. The moral is: avoid Runshaw fucking College.

Anyway, Archbishop Temple School. I was getting very suspicious of this place soon after I left – Mr Nobel, immortalised by Dave in this picture* – became headmaster and I started hearing strange rumours. "We're a Christian school!" he supposedly proclaimed. "So why the hot shit are there so many pakis Muslims and Hindus and Sikhs here??" And suddenly, the entrance criteria took a step back into the dark ages. Multi-ethnicity at school is so so damned important – in Preston there are already regions where the schools are majority [insert ethnicity/religion], and I thought I was lucky that I got to sit down in a classroom with people from all different cultures. One of my best friends was Faizel, a Muslim, and another was Kalpesh, who taught me that not all Asian guys are devoutly religious (quite the opposite.) There were Sikhs and Hindus and we all got on all and it was great. But Nobel annexed this just like his idol did Poland.

Anyway, it didn't matter too much did it – I had left, after all, I was done. But then I took my year off to work, and found myself sharing an office with a lady called Elizabeth, whose children were soon to be starting high school. When she asked me where I went, I told her, and she was impressed – "that's the best one!" etc. Then she started telling me that the place was far more elitist than I had thought – people were coming from miles around to enrole their kids there, even though there were other schools that were closer (these were presumably rich Christian families.) Anyway, this pissed me off a bit because the school is directly across the road from another school and next door to Preston College, and the road these three institutions are on connects to the A6 about 100 metres down the road. This is the A6. As you will see, it fairly cuts the nation in half, extending for several hundred miles. It is remarkably busy. It also means that local kids are forced to go to other schools far away that aren't as good. If you want to choose a school for your children based on how good it is rather than its location and sense of community, send them to public school – please.

Anyway, so now I see that Nobel has been dethroned and Hugill (chemistry teacher, Masters degree, capable of making LSD but wouldn't) is the new headmaster and Battarbee (RE teacher, ran into a goalpost, knocked his teeth out) is his deputy. It doesn't bode well. (To be fair, as far as teachers went, Battarbee was alright.)

Who dares me to edit the page? Add a 'notable alumni' page with several celebrities, and a link to this page? Maybe I could upload Dave's picture to replace the one that's there at the moment. Alumni, discuss.

*This picture was not created by this site. It was not endorsed by this site. Any insinuations regarding Mr Nobels character are unintended. Mr Nobel was a fine and respected man. Even when he made us come back into the assembly hall during break because we didn't sing 'Jerusalem' loud enough the first time.


32 Responses to “Archbishop Temple School (bloody hell)”

  1. Psymen Says:

    LMAO!!! Who the hell put that on there? I forgot about Daves picture. Apparently they teach forensics there now, that woulda been cool.

  2. Dave Says:

    Woaaaah. i know nothing about that photo, no references to me!! Where the hell did u find it? It is funny tho, the guy must of been a genius. I agree pretty much with everything u said (except Runshaw, was a rite laf .. 4 DAY WEEK!), at least i never got arrested for grevious damage to flowers with a bike (mr NOBle).
    You may be interested to know that my mum said, when she went to the open day for my brother, so this must be 1993 ish, that she chatted with Mr B and he said they had nearly been closed down and they needed to get some people. Back then Broughton was considered the creme de la, with Fulwood significantly better than us. They couldnt afford to be picky, so they welcomed the ethnics then. I believe our year was the 1st time it had filled its intake for a long time. We shouldnt forget it was people like my brother and us who wernt stupid and made it look good when we did our exams, hence why its so popular now.
    Still cant believe someone put that on wikpeida, must be an inside job. I see the teacher line up has changed a bit..

  3. Dave Says:

    Also stan, i went to Lincoln today, just ferr a laf. Didnt get ne sasuages tho.

  4. stan Says:

    You went to Lincoln and you didn’t get any sausages?!

    It’s interesting what you’re saying about the school situation in the early 90’s though. Fulwood High School was the obvious choice because it was across the road from Queens Drive, but my house was kind of equidistant between Temple and Fulwood so I based it on the open evenings. But if it’s true that they just used the ethnicity to fill the school up then that’s really shit because it means that they contributed to the “top ten in the country” status the school now holds, and their families can’t reap the benefits.

    It’s all based on how good the teaching is anyway – it’s a ‘technology / humanities college’ now but it was just ‘technology’ when we were there, and how much work did we do? None. Mr. Wall and Don, however, worked their arses off and did everyone’s coursework and projects as well as winning all those CAD/CAM competitions. I’ll bet the ‘humanities college’ thing has something to do with Hepplestone who seemed to be the only capable English teacher there.

    Oh well, none of it really matters anymore.

  5. martyn Says:


    no way is mr hugill head teacher now, he used to get bullied off most of the students..

    is there any body from the years 1992 – 1998 on here..

    things do change dnt they, most of the teachers gone nad Mr Batterby with no teeth.. shame he didnt get rid of that ear hair instead!!

  6. Harriet! Says:

    OMG! This is so true. Nice work Stan! And I loved the picture! Hilarious!
    And have you heard…? The best thing is that they have decided to extend their evangelising education crap by adding a sixth form! Noooo!!! Poor kids are going to end up hating any other culture and religion in the world be in not Protestant!!

  7. Robyn Says:

    What a point stan! I’m goin to the open day next thursday as my mum wants to send Eden there! Might try to discourage that now though, do you know you have to have a letter written from your vicar that you attend church regularly in order to get in without sitting the exams! Takes the piss if you ask me.
    You most certainly have a point about our year though, we were the ones that started the improvement in the grades if it wasn’t for us they’d still be crap!
    I have also noticed that the best teacher has left now…MR PUGH, what a legend! Teaching at newman now last i heard.
    Do you remember when cartwright attached a tampon to the back of batterbees jacket in RE! LMAO when i thought about that.

  8. stan Says:

    You need a letter from the Vicar??

    It sounds like a fucking Jane Austen novel.

  9. Katlin Smith Says:

    I go to the school now and its great. The teachers are cool and the lessons are fun and Ill think youll find not everyones a dick like u.

  10. stan Says:

    I think you missed the point my dear.

  11. carrie Says:

    hey guys was just looking at the staff list and what a load of cra whats all this extra pish about senco stuff and child protection officer oh please

  12. Tim Says:


    Apparently Mr Noble isn’t there anymore after a heart attack, maybe someone knows if this is true. The wiki article looks like someone in the tech department put it together

  13. David Says:

    Don’t talk about Archy this way its a good school, and it is 6th in England. Oh ye and Mr Noble isn’t there, but I don’t know if had a heart attack.

  14. Matrixx Says:

    Agree with stan! Temple started to change dramatically when we were in final year when they built the LLRC and Mr ‘scouser’ Chorley was in charge he was class you wouldnt want to mess with him! they started to introduce red cards what a load of crap, and the worst was mr ‘noble’s assemblies where he forced us to sing JERUSALEM! lol Mr Nunns then changed to Mr Pugh was class! you could have a laugh with him! anyone remebers that scouse teacher in biology?

  15. Conners Says:

    I have just left for study leave for my GCSE’s and the school is crap. Its turned shit since Mr pugh left. Mr Hugill’s wife is FIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  16. J Says:

    Archbishop Temple School in 1994-7:

    – We take anyone
    – Culturally inclusive
    – We get the best out of everyone: hence it did well by less academically minded people, but also very bright people (anyone remember Martine?) get 10A*s

    Archibshop Temple School in 98-99 (when I sat GCSEs):

    – We take rich white Christian kids whose mothers send them to scouts
    – Culturally insensitive
    – If you might influence the ‘5 x Grade C’ league table target, we care. Otherwise, F*** OFF. Hence the lower sets got cut adift and the top sets got no support at all.

  17. kate Says:

    I got2 agree the school is shit. The only decent teacher there is Mr Carter.

  18. Beth Says:

    Im going into year 11 now of Archbishop
    and yeh its not too good we now have houses
    (Canterbury, Durham, Winchester and york)
    Its like he wants it to be hogwarts, haha.
    Mr Noble was the better head teacher.

  19. JAN Says:

    It Temple is soo awful, how come over 700 parents are afte 150 places? surely all these people can’t be wrong???

  20. mujtaba Says:

    Well then, never thought i’d find something interesting on good old temple. I was there during 1996 to 2001, had a great time, n i have to admit that i was a right looney since i was there…got into all sorts of fights, daniel howlet, lee hodgson n many others…Teachers were great especially mrs fletcher, the RE teacher (who supposedly is a judge now!), somehow n not deliberately i i pissed her off too many times…back then there were quite a few ethnic pupils like myself, n we never really felt any sort of oddities from neone of our fellow white students n teachers, although i did get a bit peed off when i heard that they will only take on a select minority of ethnic pupils in future (seemed a bit too radical knowing how those changes came right after the dreadful 9/11 events!!!!)….Surprised to see Mr battarbee still there, hes been there since time, he taught me how to play chess. missin it…

  21. Carmen Says:

    Erm, are all the people on here complaining about social engineering the same ones whose parents sent them to CofE primary schools so they could get into ATS?

    I went there even tho there were much closer schools because I wanted to go to a CofE school, what’s the matter with that?

  22. Chris Says:

    hahahaha hilarious, the school has changed so much as of recently, cashless dining cards, two new suites of computers, new music block(in our yard) and a general referb with new carpets and a lick of paint, mr battarbees still there though and got hit in the face with a football the other day when on duty.

  23. unargi Says:

    Mr Hugil and Ms Symcox married (how any one can marry that breath i do not know!) Mr Noble was well past his Sell by date, I remember when mrs noble teached us PE a few times, and i asked my brother why, he said she use to be a PE teacher, you wouldnt fucking think it.

    There was a scouse science teacher aswell, she left just as I had started, can’t remember her name.

    Ms Keller was a drama teacher, it’s in the name really. Fucking arse licker.

    In 2000 when i started, left 2005, i had to have something signed by a fecking priest or a vicar or whatever his title was in the church, to allow me to get in!!

    pfffff, crap school, wayyyyyy over rated!!

  24. Marvin Says:

    Haha, loved this blog. I went to Temple from 1995 to 2000, can’t say I enjoyed my time there (who really enjoyed school?) but did okay and it got me into college and then Uni so cannot complain. Sine leaving it seems to have gone a little weird….entrance exams etc. now read today that Hugill was fired for bullying….Jezz, the bloke was a total wuss of a teacher….

  25. Andrea gibson Says:

    … Well how dere you put this .. For you to even consider putting this is an abomernation .. I am a former pupil of this school and apart from getting 5 english teachers in one year i have
    No problem with it . This school has run on very very good grounds for over 10 years . Something that mr nobel kept stead and this carried on .. You prediction is completely inacuret and opinionated (bollocks) and fo someone to even put this on the interenet is just proving how stupif you are . I mean you must of been like proper sad person to be writing this .. I couldnt even be bothered to go back and slag it off … In my opinion you have completely made a tit out of yourself and i think you need to get your gcses again because some of what you have put is informal in incorrect that you couldnt possibly have gotton an a .. Its actually laughable … Well to sum up .. You are wrong .. And your opinion has no evidence. Im sorry you were such a
    Looser that this is your revenge on nothing . I feel for you .

  26. Hannah Says:

    The school is so overrated. Half of the students are unhappy and headteacher is stuck up…. she was previously deputy head at Lancaster Grammar School. She is always on the corridors telling you to pull your skirt down etc etc. She also runs a puppet club!!! omg can’t stand her.

    • als Says:

      I agree with hannah half are happy and the others are unhappy, im neutral but some of the teachers can be pretty cool

      • moonpie Says:

        hi I go to archbishop and I have just started (YEAR7) and already I hate this school. your right about the head she is a tw*t and they put on a puppet show at Christmas or somewhere around then “to build confidence in those who are shy” or some thing like that anyway. plus on her first day she banned all year 11 from going on school trips and we are not aloud any dress down day even for charity so on days like comic relief you don’t dress down you make your hair wacky and come in your school uniform and for Christ sakes woman were not 5 year olds what high school kid in their right mind is going to do that! so personally although I did not see much of him I like the old head much more and I bet Lancaster are get to get rid that snob!

  27. Bessie Says:

    I read this article fully regarding the resemblance of
    most up-to-date and preceding technologies, it’s awesome article.

  28. Anonymous Says:

    I was thinking about moving here. I’m in Yr.9 and am currently attending Fulwood, I hate it. I really wanna change schools, but I don’t think I’ll get in here. I’m in set 1 for everything, but it will still be tricky considering I’m Asian.

  29. Anonymous Says:

    Currently At Archbishop, fantastic school, integration is suburb, nobody cares about religion because it’s so racially diverse. Best school in the area easily.

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