The Sunday Review: St. Patrick’s Day 2007

Monday 19 March (2007)


It’s always a good St. Paddy’s when you wake up in hospital.

Like how I drew you in there? It was a diversionary tactic to hide the fact that you can’t really review a night out in any conventional sense. My head is still killing me though, so I can’t be bothered to try and think deeply about some album or a movie that I’ve seen. Sue me.

Anyway, the hospital thing is slightly misleading… I did wake up in hospital, but – well; my friend fell down some stairs and hurt her arm*. I wasn’t even there when it happened because I was talking to the bloke who owns The Night Owl, smoking those God-forsaken kreteks and generally drinking far too many ridiculous drinks, like vodka and tobasco sauce, and malty ales. (Ales! In a club! What was I thinking.)

Anyway I staggered home to find the girl in question in some pain, sitting with my girlfriend (but that’s not why she was in pain, ho ho.) After demanding some french toast from the lady I love, we decided to call a taxi and head over to the hospital. Then things turned even more bizarre…

I hear the taxi arrive, so I go outside. Now, this is a street of terraced houses – it’s basically one long line of front doors and windows, with no gardens or anything like that, and grates on the floor leading down into each house’s cellar. There was a naked man crawling out of the grate next door to the house. I mean, you can’t make this up.

So I turn to the taxi and the driver is getting mobbed by about five more naked guys, all cupping their pride and talking about God-knows-what (hey, I was drunk) and I had to fight my way through them to get to the taxi and claim it as my own, to commandeer it to the hospital. Then we got there, and so began the hilariously long wait to see someone. Then the X-rays; more waiting… it was morning by the time we left. I was in agony from having sobered up and also sleeping on a bench in the waiting room.

I didn’t even get a hat. This was the weirdest St. Patrick’s yet… and despite getting relatively less drunk than the last three years, it’s the one which has put me off drinking most of all.

Or maybe that was the kreteks. I’m going to bed 😦

* Amusing side note – when she fell down, a man passing by witnessed the injury. What did he do? Rush over to help? He apparantly shouted ‘nice tits’ and carried on his merry way. Who the hell is this guy?


2 Responses to “The Sunday Review: St. Patrick’s Day 2007”

  1. Dave Says:

    haha nice one stan. I also had a banging head this morning!
    At least you didnt get stuck in the mud like this bloke lol ( i hope he had his guiness hat on too when they found him

  2. Huzbo Says:

    You’re right, you couldn’t make it up. Brilliant! We can draw our own conclusions what a load of naked guys were doing in Stan’s cellar…

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