Archive for the 'internet' Category


Friday 25 January (2008)

Well, this is really interesting. I’ve spoken about Scientology before (and that video is online here), so if you remember you’ll know that I basically see Scientology as a very thinly veiled attempt to build a corporation around a ‘religion’ – a corporation with a strong legal team, whose business is in vulnerable people who they can exploit, which makes them just about the most detestable people on the planet. Understand I’m talking about L. Ron’s people here, not the Scientologists themselves – I’m sure they’re good people, they’re just clearly being taken advantage of. It’s Miscavige and the rest of the board who are the problem, and who need to be stopped.

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Snap Preview Anywhere™ on the line

Friday 5 January (2007)

Well those glorious bastards at WordPress have introduced a new feature recently – Snap Preview Anywhere. It’s in Beta stages at the moment, and I appear to be (for the time being) one of the 10% of sites that it’s being tested on. What is it, you ask? Well check this shit out:

Every single word in this sentence is a hyperlink.

Even in the heady days of tabbed browsing and ‘Web 2.0’ (I’m still not really sure what that is) opening all of those links is a bit of a bastard – wouldn’t it be easier if you could just hover over the link and somehow know what you were going to be sent to? Oh, I know most browsers display the destination somewhere (at the bottom in IE) but those crafty hackers and bad guys know all about redirections and things. What if I were hilariously sending you to Tubgirl?

Yeah, you guessed it – SPA displays a little pop up showing you what the link will display. I don’t expect to have this feature for long, but then when it moves out of beta and becomes a true option I might enable it. So, what do you reckon? Useful, helpful? Or annoying and intrusive? Opinions, please.

My two-cents on ‘The Hobbit’ movie

Monday 11 December (2006)

Oh God, The Hobbit movie. Ever since the shit hit the fan over in New Zealand, the Internet has been rife with speculations and angry comment, with even Tolkien’s great-grandson Royd publicly stating that the decision to cut Peter Jackson / Richard Taylor et al. out of the deal is a big bad mistake. Perhaps this is the case, but I think a lot of people are overlooking the point here – so, with the prefix that I am not a Tolkien scholar, here’s my opinion on the whole mess…

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Scientology Orientation Video

Sunday 3 December (2006)

I’m not going to say anything about Scientology, other than that it concerns me and that in my personal opinion it is a dangerous cult. The ‘Church’ of Scientology is famously litigious, and as slim as the chances are, I don’t wish to incur their wrath.

That said, someone has posted a four-part orientation video on YouTube. Watch it quickly! Because I bet that those Scientology guys will pull this as soon as they catch wind of its existence. I mean, this is Scientology we’re talking about! There’s no way they don’t normally charge people to watch this stuff. They’re the only ‘religion’ I can think of that charges people to read the bloody holy text, so as far as I’m concerned they charge you for everything. I mean, it’s like walking into a Christian Church or an Islamic Mosque and then being told that salvation can be yours, via the Bible/Quoran, for only a nominal fee. Buy Genesis and Romans and get the Gospels half price!

Pay special attention to the ‘conversation’ at the end of part one* – it’s like something from The Simpsons! Classic. But also, very disturbing – I mean that seriously. Watch it!

*There are probably better bits later on, but that’s as far as I’ve got so far.

The Internet is Decadent and Depraved

Thursday 19 October (2006)

I’ve been up all night tonight, and to be frank, I’ve had enough of the internet. It’s a perverted playground; a steel-and-glass shopping mall with an enormous dungeon below it, with free entry to all. You walk through this mall, and the storefront logos run out towards you and block your path, flashing and jumping and shouting about special offers. You see a pretty girl walk past, and in an instant she’s naked and covered in baby oil for your pleasure, writhing around with her most private areas craftily concealed, and she’s begging you to give her some money so you can watch her defile herself. She doesn’t even beckon towards an out-of-sight corner as she thrusts a free preview onto you. You’re a man, and you have urges, and this girl is naked but for some reason, it doesn’t turn you on. And then you turn around and some horrible lowlife approaches with a sack full of DVDs, throwing them to anyone who feigns an interest, and you know it’s full of expensive software, the latest movies, music and games, and although you know it’s wrong this guy is just giving this stuff to you.

Well, fuck that. I don’t like this mall of temptations. I want the Internet to be sophisticated. And you can argue that it already is, and that it’s easy to avoid the dark alleyways if you want to, and all that bullshit, but the fact remains that whilst you’re in one of the trendier parts of the mall drinking an organic latte and having a chat with some eminent intellectuals, somewhere far below you in the same building a fat pervert is watching some Eastern European bastard having anal sex with a twelve-year-old girl. It’s distasteful.

So what should the Internet be like? I don’t know. The Internet should be like sitting in a vibrating leather chair with a goblet of wine, having your feet massaged whilst the cast of the latest Hollywood blockbuster personally perform the movie in front of you; your own private stage production.

I don’t know. But somebody needs to fucking fix it. And don’t comment telling me it’s impossible, because I don’t give a shit – we’re talking about ideas man, and they’re indestructable. I don’t want Big Brother, and I don’t want to suppress free speech – I just want the law to be like it used to be; tangible, dangerous, powerful. Let’s make it so the dirty paedophile fucks out there can’t get their rocks off over the loss of innocence. As soon as his filthy pornography is downloaded he’s clapped in irons and never seen again. I want someone who downloads a DVD rip to be instantly accosted by security, like they would if they strolled out of HMV with it under their arm. I freely admit, I download shit all the time, and I’ve looked at pornography in my lifetime, and that sucks. Because I prefer owning movies, or watching new ones at the cinema. Because I like physical CDs and album art. And I’ve never walked into a newsagents and bought a porn mag and I’ve never stolen anything from a shop in my life, but this stupid fucking Internet lets me make an ass of the law without even trying.

Ah… Over.

Thomas F. Wilson sings

Friday 13 October (2006)

I have an awful habit of going to random video sites and watching clips for hours at a time. It’s a bad addiction, and I should try and kick it, but every so often you find something really good: watch this. It’s a video of Thomas F. Wilson, who played Biff in the Back to the Future movies, singing a song about questions he gets asked a lot. Good fun!

Questioning 9/11

Friday 25 August (2006)

Not many people who remember the eleventh of September 2001 will ever forget it. For me, it was my day off from college, and I went downstairs for some breakfast to find that the news was on every channel. At this point only one plane had crashed into the World Trade Centre, and the general and conservative estimate on the BBC was that this was a terrible, terrible accident. Shortly after this, the second plane hit, and the rest is history.

But right from the start, there were people who said that this thing looked a little… off. Those two towers – whilst very tall indeed – are still a mighty small target for a commercial jet to deadeye. That it happened twice was one thing, but further north another plane had slammed into the Pentagon. This being one of the most important buildings in American defense, it’s highly likely that there were multiple cameras situated all around that would have caught the impact of this plane – but all that has ever been released, even five years on, are five frames of footage showing one large explosion and no trace of an airplane. A similar situation happened with Flight 93 in Pennsylvania – the world was shown an impact crater and some pieces of the fuselage, but it still didn’t look like a passenger jet had crashed into that field. And there was more than one cry of ‘controlled demolition’ when the three buildings of the World Trade Centre collapsed without damaging any of the other buildings around them.

But, everything seemed to be explained fairly adequately. It was the jet fuel running down the elevator shafts at incredible temperatures that caused the towers to collapse. WTC 7 collapsed due to falling debris from the two main towers. And the planes that crashed in DC and Pennsylvania impacted so ferociously that they actually vaporised.

Personally, I’m undecided. I tend to agree with Occam’s Razor; that the simplest explanation is generally the right one, and sure it kind of makes more sense that the towers collapsed because of a planned implosion, but really, what the fuck do I know about architecture and jet fuel? I can only work with the information that’s given to me, and there has yet to be a fair documentary about this subject. There are dozens of pro-conspiracy and anti-conspiracy documentaries, but they only ever offer evidence supporting their own theories, so you end up with some experts saying it’s definately a conspiracy and others saying there’s no way it could be a conspiracy. So, I’ve just avoided the whole field. The planes crashed, the towers collapsed, thousands of people died, it was a terrible tragedy that led to several military actions and further loss of life… it’s all in the past, so what can you do about it.

But still, it won’t go away. This is potentially the biggest cover-up going, and no-one seems able to blow it open. That’s why when I read a magazine article about an Internet documentary called Loose Change, I knew I had to watch it.

Now, the film itself has been around since mid-2005, so you may have seen it before. It’s currently on its second version online, and a third version is being geared up for a theatrical release too. Made by a 22 year old called Dylan Avery, the documentary isn’t much different from other pro-conspiracy documentaries – there’s only evidence here which supports that stance – but what it does do very well indeed is highlight the inaccuracies in the official story. You’ll see comparisons with planned building demolitions; other plane crashes across the world which haven’t ‘vaporised,’ and other interesting facts that you may not be aware of, like the fact that the passengers of Flight 93 couldn’t possibly have used their cellphones to contact people on the ground.

So watch Loose Change today, and see what you think – he presents a compelling argument. Even if you don’t want to watch it, skip to the last ten minutes because there’s a fascinating clip of two FOX News anchors tearing some poor bastard to shreds because he wants to teach a course in Islamic traditions at the school where he works. When they find out that he doesn’t believe the official explanation for 9/11, just watch them lay into him… bloody FOX News.


Saturday 1 July (2006)

I’m packing up to move out, but being a sad internet person I find myself watching the Eon8 countdown timer as it enters its final minute… what will I see?! Death? Coca-Cola? Tom Cruise? 38 seconds to go…


Yeah, that’s right. Because the page refreshed itself with nine gajmillion people on it, it went down ¬

So Eon8: a great piece of advertising, or just a great big fat joke? Either way, it’s a hell of an anti-climax. Unless – the reason the site is down is because they finally did it… Nooo! You crazy bastards… God damn you! God damn you all to hell!

Finding this site on Google

Monday 19 June (2006)

I glanced at the search terms that were bring my site up on search engines again today. I did this partly because I’m a bit bored (most people have moved out of my building now) and partly because for some reason there has been a huge spike in the number of pageviews I’ve been getting (compared to a large drop in the number of comments, excluding Remi’s angry one about going bald.) I’ve done this before, but when I did it then I couldn’t understand how people had chanced upon my site using those terms. This time when I tried the search terms I am actually coming out near or at the top of the results. Great! Except these are some of the search terms people are using:

What illegal drug smells like onions?
I can only assume some worried parent has smelled strange aromas coming out of their child’s bedroom and think they’re smoking opium or something. I’m third on Google for that one.

human hunting hostel
Some sickos looking for a ‘good time’? Luckily, they’re talking about the movie. I’m fourth.

my curry is too hot
Only one hit, but this is probably my favourite term. I just imagined some poor bastard sitting down to a takeaway and burning his mouth, then quickly googling ‘my curry is too hot’ hoping for some forum post where someone said like “don’t worry guys! Just mix some lemon juice and milk and pour it over your curry to eliminate that spice!” I was second.

veil consciousness dog
What fucking manner of maniac searched for this? And why the hell am I on page one?

Haha, I don’t even know why this makes me laugh. I can only imagine that some poor fool bought the game and was badly burned. I’m third here.

And finally, just for my own ego, if you search google for acid-like trip my site is top. Like I’m some kind of authority on acid-like trips. 😀

Google: how? Explain please

Thursday 13 April (2006)

So I'm back in Cheltenham for the night (The Mighty Boosh Live was genius, by the way – catch it while you can) and suffering from insomnia so I decided to check what kind of search engine terms have been bringing people to my crappy site. Here are some from the past week:

The Mighty Boosh Reviews
mighty boosh watch online
mighty boosh improvised
julian barratt
mighty boosh episode
howard t.j moon
little miss sunshine
the mighty boosh show reviews
mighty boosh review

So, what the hell? I thought "hmmm, I can't imagine my site being anywhere near the top of Google's ranking for any of those queries" and decided to test it out. I was on page two for the 'howard t.j moon' one and that was about it. I got to about page twenty of the 'little miss sunshine' results before I gave up. So my point is this: how have people found me with these results? Internet people, explain to me.

Unless there are people who go through hundreds of thousands of search results, I am baffled. In fact, either way, I'm baffled. Help me.